Today I realised one thing of myself. What I had become today? I scare to lost anybody in my life especially someone. They are becoming more and more important in my life and I could say it also stand part of my life. In just a week of semester break, I feel like I am going to break down and even do not have any motivation on doing anything. I can spam up to 50 missed calls a day or messages when they actually do not reply my messages or pick up phone calls. It's been a while I am behaving like this and today finally I know the reason why. I do not want to lost it, I scare to lost, and I do not want to be DUMP (if you know what I mean). I am not controlling anyone is just that I am feeling very insecure when you suddenly disappear for a few hours or days. I know they have their freedom that is also why I really trying very hard to control myself stop thinking nonsence but sometimes you just can't stop your mind thinking when you are depressing at the moment. I just hope you understand if you are reading this.